Most of us want to be independent. An individual force who brings something entirely new to this world, a completely unique person who is impossible to replace. In our western society individualism is highly praised, seen as the pinnacle of civilization.
When we grow to become an independent individual we often tend to base our identity around a unique skill. We identify with it constantly; putting it in our Instagram bio and it being the first thing we say about ourself on a first date. We begin to reduce ourselves to the one quality that proves that we’re different, that we’re not like the others. But is this really healthy? Is this actually leading to a bigger sense of fullfillment?
I think to start exploring this we need to ask ourselves: Where does this sense that we need to be different originate from?
Back in the hunter-gatherer era it was useful to add value to the tribe, for instance if everybody was excellent at hunting deers then you being a great fish hunter would be more valuable. Being difficult to replace gave a bigger chance at surviving and reproducing. It offered safety.
So this need for people to differentiate themselves stems from a survival mechanism. And I think it is fair to say that it served us well over the years.
However the modern individualism has another element to it: Instead of only doing something unique, we are being encouraged to detach ourselves from others, calling it “independence”.
Our entire life has to be self-made, any reliance on others is quick to be seen as a sign of incompetence. People seem to discredit all the beauty you brought to this world, just because you didn’t build the entire skyscraper all by yourself.
No human is and never will be completely self-made. We rely on others from the moment we are born. You didn’t invent the language in which write nor the hardware in order to code the startup you’ve been working on. We humans are extremely dependent on eachother, there is no way of denying that.
Instead of our life being the skyscraper which we build from scratch, we actually just contribute to the big skyscraper of humanity.
There is something uncomfortable about recognising how small and weak we as individual people can be. However I actually think that this realisation is an overall good, as it leads to a bigger sense of graditude towards our fellow humans and a big relief of pressure.
I would say that the best attitude you can have towards this is to be grateful for what has come out of your own hands, to know that what you built is truly yours and at the same time having a deep sense of recognition and gratitude for the people who provided you with the tools to built anything at all. I call this healthy individualism.
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