We are often told to be our authentic self, without us being explained what it truly means, what the authentic self is. The common saying being that we need to embrace and accept ourselves as we truly are, though simultaneously our life is full of books, videos and podcasts telling us that improving and changing ourself should be the main priority.
The two together seem like a big contradiction, like fire and water, because why would you change yourself if you have completely accepted who you are? Is it possible to have a deep sense of self-acceptance while simultaneously trying to improve or even transform yourself?
First we need to ask what a self actually is: A self is the conscious, subjective experience of one’s own identity, comprising a person’s unique blend of personality traits, memories, beliefs, and emotions.
Changing beliefs, memories and emotions, show us that a self is an ever evolving thing and not fixed.
Perhaps we can view it as a pond: The pond will always be the same pond, while the water in it changes continuously: it may rain increasing the water it contains or the temperature rises causing the water to be warmer.
Just like the pond we humans will always be the same self. What and how the self experiences and will always change, but the thing experiencing will always be the same.
How can we accept ourself, embrace ourself, when the self is always changing? I think in order to make that happen we need to make a separation between the thing that experiences and how or what it experiences. Let’s call the first the shell, as it is the thing wrapping around the what and the how of experience and the latter the subject-matter.
Returning to the pond analogy: It’s possible to love the pond and at the same time hate the water within. The love for the pond can force to change the water it contains. I believe the same is true for the self. You can love your own shell and hate the subject-matter or in most cases love the shell and want to better its subject-matter.
Within this subject-matter exist your body, thoughts, actions, knowledge, everything which attributes to your identity. The trick is to focus on accepting and loving the shell, believing that the shell deserves the best it can get and from there start to improve on its subject-matter.
Instead of self-improvement being a punishment for your insufficiency it is a gift to yourself. self-improvement isn’t an act stemming from shame anymore, but from love, which to me is the most pure source we humans possess.
Very beautifully explained!! A reader or author should never stumble over the words that are meant to convey a message, and you have done an excellent job at explaining such a difficult philosophical matter. My personal perspective consists of the idea that “accepting your self” means being okay with the subject-matter of the pond changing (i am quite fond of the pond allegeration) and your shell consists of a collection of certain norms and values that is inherently part of you. If you follow that sense of moral code within you, you can truely love and appreciate and also rightfully criticise the subject-matter and its changing nature because you have a clear view of who you are and what is important to you. I am much open for discussion because my vision may very differ from one another and there is no clear “right or wrong” when it comes to matters like these. Our views are very parallel and i am proud of you for making this essay. Much love from your dear friend ultron<3
Nice work. It’s lovely to be on the other side of that selfhood—one of the few perks of growing older. I make changes in activities and habits, but I am happy