Choosing yourself over an uncomfortable crowd takes immense courage. One thing I learned about isolation is that people often pathologise it, but I believe it is the opposite. I get to be myself, and I love the joy I find in isolation.
Yes I agree, although social contact is healthy, it’s better to be without friends than with bad ones. The only solution then is to find joy in your solitude.
What stayed with me most is the moment loneliness stops being only an absence of belonging and becomes the space in which he begins to trust his own judgment. The shift from asking what is “normal” to allowing himself to love what genuinely moves him gives the essay its strongest sense of growth.
Thank you for your comment, that’s a very good observation. For me personally it was the foundation of being comfortable with myself was trusting my own judgement, you hit the nail on the head there.
There's something so beautiful about finally allowing ourselves to love what genuinely moves us, without worrying about whether it's considered normal. : )
you are much more breve than me, floris. i always feel scared to share my journals online, and often times i dont. i really found myself connecting so much to some of your
experiences, but in a more different way. i know we've talked a bit about each others environments, but this still just baffles me how different a place i felt i knew so factually could be in another country or culture. i feel that i had experienced a similar unfurling throughout my recent years, entering my 20s and leaving my teens, and i feel that for me it was so liberating to forget about how i have to breathe in the bus or in class so that i wouldn't be ostracized or killed. i felt myself soon start to forget about all the ways in which i was walking wrong or looking at people wrong or not looking at people wrong. and of course i still do these things even now but, but just a little less so and with a little less emphasis. i feel that they don't paralyze me as much as they used to. i'm very happy that things have been improving for you, floris, and that youre finding yourself less trapped and a little more happy. all love from LA ♥️🤍
Thank you so much for your kind comment bro. The hyperconscious movements like reminding yourself to breathe or to walk certain ways can take up so much energy and also estrange you from who you actually are. I am glad you are doing better too and I appreciate your support a lot. Interesting how it highlighted cultural differences for you also, something I didn’t even think about while writing this. Love from the Netherlands ❤️
You described my own childhood and spiritual, emotional, philosophical, and intellectual evolution in identical terms. I relate perfectly to the "mutual rejection" by which I also refused to compromise my standards even though I longed for the natural human need of tribal acceptance. I also temporarily experienced self-doubt and shame as a result of the groups' rejection, rather than appreciation for, my differences.
Yes thank you so much for your kind words. Of course it can always be you and I think it’s never completely the other person who is to blame, though you can just sometimes not fit in with people without there being really a good and a bad guy
You must have been very precocious. at 8 I was just learning English :) here that was third grade and no one was learning any HISTORY, PHILOSOPHY .. and as a Catholic kid. .we did have learn about Catholicism in catechism IN CHURCH not Public Schools. I think we were just learning how to read phonetically :) and write.. I would have to look it up.. I didn't read Brothers Karamazov until High School in English and it was a sad story to me. I hated school .. (Elementary School and Middle school) for different reasons.. all of which have to do w/ not fitting in with the KIDS At SCHOOL. But I never felt I was the one who was strange: My mother and father and family were very loving and self confident and grew up in the Baby Boom where the summers were fun and surrounded by many kids.. all the time who liked "us." My first language was German which I spoke until I was around 7 or 8.. and my mother was German. I had to tell her please don't speak German to me or my sister because.. I was not doing well at school .. because of it. long story. MY Father was ARMY.. and as the children of Army Soldiers we had to learn to adapt and fit in.. like or not.. and we did not like it but we learned. :) That is beautiful post.. I looked at the art.. have you ever read Metamorphosis? By KAFKA? I am guessing you have w/ the insect on the bed. He really tapped into a lot of the human psyche w/ the story. which goes back to biological fact that people physically change over the course of a lifetime.. but Kafka does it in one stroke .. art imitating life..
What a brave and beautiful essay Floris
Thank you so much
Choosing yourself over an uncomfortable crowd takes immense courage. One thing I learned about isolation is that people often pathologise it, but I believe it is the opposite. I get to be myself, and I love the joy I find in isolation.
Yes I agree, although social contact is healthy, it’s better to be without friends than with bad ones. The only solution then is to find joy in your solitude.
I love this perspective
Sometimes, the joy that comes with isolation is so underrated. It gives us the space to reconnect with ourselves without the pressure to fit in : )
this is such a brave essay, accepting yourself takes such growth!
Thank you so much, yeah it feels a bit like exposing yourself but I’m glad it resonated with so many people.
What stayed with me most is the moment loneliness stops being only an absence of belonging and becomes the space in which he begins to trust his own judgment. The shift from asking what is “normal” to allowing himself to love what genuinely moves him gives the essay its strongest sense of growth.
Thank you for your comment, that’s a very good observation. For me personally it was the foundation of being comfortable with myself was trusting my own judgement, you hit the nail on the head there.
Honestly!
There's something so beautiful about finally allowing ourselves to love what genuinely moves us, without worrying about whether it's considered normal. : )
Yes such a good point!
Yeah, thank you, Floris : )
you are much more breve than me, floris. i always feel scared to share my journals online, and often times i dont. i really found myself connecting so much to some of your
experiences, but in a more different way. i know we've talked a bit about each others environments, but this still just baffles me how different a place i felt i knew so factually could be in another country or culture. i feel that i had experienced a similar unfurling throughout my recent years, entering my 20s and leaving my teens, and i feel that for me it was so liberating to forget about how i have to breathe in the bus or in class so that i wouldn't be ostracized or killed. i felt myself soon start to forget about all the ways in which i was walking wrong or looking at people wrong or not looking at people wrong. and of course i still do these things even now but, but just a little less so and with a little less emphasis. i feel that they don't paralyze me as much as they used to. i'm very happy that things have been improving for you, floris, and that youre finding yourself less trapped and a little more happy. all love from LA ♥️🤍
Thank you so much for your kind comment bro. The hyperconscious movements like reminding yourself to breathe or to walk certain ways can take up so much energy and also estrange you from who you actually are. I am glad you are doing better too and I appreciate your support a lot. Interesting how it highlighted cultural differences for you also, something I didn’t even think about while writing this. Love from the Netherlands ❤️
You described my own childhood and spiritual, emotional, philosophical, and intellectual evolution in identical terms. I relate perfectly to the "mutual rejection" by which I also refused to compromise my standards even though I longed for the natural human need of tribal acceptance. I also temporarily experienced self-doubt and shame as a result of the groups' rejection, rather than appreciation for, my differences.
Thank you for your comment, it’s relieving seeing I am not the only one. A very clear perspective.
This is such a beautiful reminder that belonging should never require us to betray ourselves.
I love how you found the courage to embrace who you are, even when it meant feeling alone for a while.
Maybe overcoming loneliness isn’t always about finding where we fit in, but learning to be comfortable with who we are until we find our people : )
But this leaves me with a question. What if who you are is actually the problem? 😂
What if you're the one with the bad character? Lol.
Yes thank you so much for your kind words. Of course it can always be you and I think it’s never completely the other person who is to blame, though you can just sometimes not fit in with people without there being really a good and a bad guy
Absolutely!
Sometimes, nobody is the bad guy. We just don't always fit, and that's okay.
Yes that’s exactly right!
Very introspective and well done.
Thank you so much.
Good stuff needs to b acknowledged
You are not alone.
I appreciate your comment
You must have been very precocious. at 8 I was just learning English :) here that was third grade and no one was learning any HISTORY, PHILOSOPHY .. and as a Catholic kid. .we did have learn about Catholicism in catechism IN CHURCH not Public Schools. I think we were just learning how to read phonetically :) and write.. I would have to look it up.. I didn't read Brothers Karamazov until High School in English and it was a sad story to me. I hated school .. (Elementary School and Middle school) for different reasons.. all of which have to do w/ not fitting in with the KIDS At SCHOOL. But I never felt I was the one who was strange: My mother and father and family were very loving and self confident and grew up in the Baby Boom where the summers were fun and surrounded by many kids.. all the time who liked "us." My first language was German which I spoke until I was around 7 or 8.. and my mother was German. I had to tell her please don't speak German to me or my sister because.. I was not doing well at school .. because of it. long story. MY Father was ARMY.. and as the children of Army Soldiers we had to learn to adapt and fit in.. like or not.. and we did not like it but we learned. :) That is beautiful post.. I looked at the art.. have you ever read Metamorphosis? By KAFKA? I am guessing you have w/ the insect on the bed. He really tapped into a lot of the human psyche w/ the story. which goes back to biological fact that people physically change over the course of a lifetime.. but Kafka does it in one stroke .. art imitating life..
Yes it is the metamorphosis by Kafka haha, I even made the drawing myself once. Interesting you lived quite a life haha, so many cultures and stories!